I was catching up on some long reads and finished the article When Mommy and Daddy Took the Toys Away which explored parents who are simplifying by keeping their kid’s toys and other material goods to a minimum.
Only having a few toys? Not expecting more toys when shopping? Huh, kind of sounds like my childhood. The snarky side of me just thinks that “minimalist parenting” sounds a whole lot like “parenting without gobs of disposable income”. In retrospect, it was so much easier for my parents. They had so much less money to spend! 😉
All kidding aside, I highlighted a couple of quotes in the article, as I think they apply to everyone. We all know that adults have their own toys and desires for more toys.
On dealing with envy:
“We don’t overcome envy in our lives by getting what another person has,” Becker says. “We overcome envy by being content with what we have and being grateful for what we have.”
On balancing simplicity and priorities (Salem is a kid):
“You don’t really need to have a whole lot of toys to be happy,” Salem says. “Just the ones that you really want.”
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One thing I worry about for future hypothetical kids is how to prevent them from comparing themselves to their peers, material-possession-wise, since peer pressure tends to hit pretty hard, especially in the tween years.
Sorry, Salem, but in my experience young children “really want” the current toy they have just seen/heard about and that is the single most important thing to them in the world until they have obtained it, played with it for a period of days, and then no longer have much interest in it. Then they “really want” the next toy they see or hear about.
For most children this is true. Even when I was a child I remember wanting the latest toy and had to have it. My parents were able to tell me no and explain why. They would also implement a method where I could work (do chores) to be able to purchase the item myself. I learned very valuable lessons from that method.
That’s why its important to say ‘No’ and teach kids how to say this very powerful word
Or set up (when they’re old enough) an allowance system that allows them to choose the items they ‘really want’ (or don’t). Just yesterday, my 11-year-old son ‘really wanted’ a nerf gun at Walmart for $24. Since he typically spends his weekly allowance within a day of receiving it, he recognized that it’ll take him 5 weeks to save up in order to buy this toy. I think he’s decided that the toy is not something he wants THAT bad… When I see my kids spend their money on stupid things, I think of it as an investment. Better to learn the lesson the hard way while the stakes are low.
To help combat kid clutter and unnecessary toys we ask for monetary gifts for our two boys (ages 2 1/2 and 4 1/2) and have done so since they were infants. The money gets put into savings accounts and will someday be used towards college education or buying a first car or whatever they may need down the line. Since some family members just can’t seem to not give a child a toy we ask that they limit it to just one and often ask that they buy a book instead.
Limit screen time and you have a huge advantage. My girls (2 1/2 and 4 1/2) see no TV/movies so they see no advertizing. Yes, we have tons of (really cool) toys, but they almost NEVER ask for anything and the 4 yr old has said at Christmas, “I don’t really need any toys; I have lots of toys.” Now if I could just control myself from picking up the beautiful wood plaything for $2 at the 2nd hand shop (retails for $30), we’d be totally under control. If your kids spend all day in daycare, you probably have a much lower need for activities/toys than if they are home with parents/caregivers. And no we don’t live under a rock.
I’d love to have someone upgrade my wardrobe every season to just the items that fit. If all the missized items could magically disappear, or better yet organized by size and put away in case I need them, all the better. I think in old days people would use up their clothes within a season? Or maybe they were more weight stable? or at least the size label was meaningful?
Weird that psych says kids need toys, but presumably adults do not? why? what do kids need in terms of creativity or play that adults don’t? what would adult toys mean (besides those kinds of toys, duh)? I had crafts, athletic equipment, and books. now I have a musical instrument also.